Sadly, I could not rid my mind of that pathetic thought during the end of today's run. I have one week until a MARATHON in Sacramento. And although it is nearly 100% downhill, I don't know how I am going to run it when I can barely get through five flat miles in San Francisco.
That respiratory infection last week has quite literally left me breathless. And while I don't want to quit - because I have been a little too eager to do that lately - I don't want to suffer through 26.2 miles of marathon. I've suffered through ten miles of marathon before and that was bad enough.
We'll see how tomorrow's loooooooonnnnnnnnnggggggggggg run goes. I'm hoping to be able to run for at least two hours. No point in tapering when you spent your entire training season buckled to an airplane seat and/or hiding under covers with a fever.
Unbelievable. Wasn't it this time last year that I got so run down I had to miss a marathon? Maybe the fall ISN'T my favorite time of year. Because again, this time in 2007, I find myself unable to get off of the couch without wanting to collapse.
True, last year the lethargy was due to a severely underactive thyroid. And this year, the lethargy was most likely brought on after flying across the country and sometimes an ocean almost twice a week around for nearly two months. Not to mention the pesky bout of bronchitis I have managed to contract from that lovely re-circulated airplane air.
But, like clockwork, I am about to pull out of another fall marathon. This time, the California International Marathon, which I am scheduled to run in another three weeks. Maybe there will be time to get better, but I doubt it. I had to take a nap after making my bed this morning I felt so weak.
But maybe the fall just isn't the best time of year for me, anymore. Or maybe my body is just trying to tell me it is no longer a fan of the marathon! At any rate, my body's rejection of this 26.2 mile race is starting to work like clockwork...
October 2007. The month I racked up close to 30,000 frequent flyer miles flying back and forth from Europe to Philadelphia to San Francisco to Philadelphia to San Francisco to Chicago to San Francisco. I lived in a hotel for four weeks. I never knew what time it was. And I didn't sleep much. October 2007. I arrived in Philadelphia to find my grandmother in the hospital. At her side, my mother - the strongest woman I know. Ten days later, I watched my grandmother take her last breath. And I cried harder than I have in a long, long time. I cried that type of cry that forbids you to breathe. I hugged my mom a lot in October.
October 2007. I regularly pulled fourteen hour days. I once left a meeting to take a nap. And I officially dropped every possible ball there was to drop. I dug deep. Sometimes I apologized and sometimes I pointed fingers. I cracked, but I am picking up the pieces and putting them back together.
October 2007. I consumed most meals while standing up, in a rental car, or at an airport. The other meals I inhaled at odd hours of the day and charged to an expense account. I didn't eat vegetables or anything else that was remotely healthy. I drank a lot of coffee. And wine. I didn't run more than 5 times. Nor did I bike at all. I swam once. And I gained six pounds.
October 2007. I put everthing else first. Family. Clients. Colleagues. Projects.
I have again reached a tipping point. It seems to happen each October, doesn't it? A personal realization that I need to focus on my OWN personal priorities. That I need to dedicate time to myself. To my own well being.
To sleeping eight hours a night. To eating avocado and tofu and fish and lentils. To swimming, and riding, and running. To getting outside and enjoying San Francisco. To staring at my ceiling. To reading my book of the month. To watching as many episodes of The Office as I want. To late night conversations with AER. To hugs...
Yes, it happens every October. Which means that November is my new favorite month...