Monday, July 31, 2006

The SF Half Marathon Numbers

The results are up. And now that I've slept on it, I guess I ran a bit better than I thought I did.

Bib: 17014
Name: Nic
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Hometown: San Francisco, CA

Place Overall................................................... 523rd
Total Number of Participants....................... 3858
Percentage...................................................... Top 13.55%

Place in the Women's Division...................... 144th
Total Number of Women Participants........ 2114
Percentage...................................................... Top 6.8%

Place in the Female 20-29 Division............. 60th
Total Number of Females Aged 20-29....... 722
Percentage...................................................... Top 8.3%

Age Grade: 58.08%
Place: 444
(What the hell is this stat? Did I finish ahead of 58.08% of other 26 year olds?)

Total Time: 1:52:34
Overall Pace: 8:36/mile
(Not bad for a wicked hilly training run...)

First 7.4 Miles Time: 1:04:13
First 7.4 Miles Pace: 8:41
(Hmm, I think I ran the second part of the race faster than the first... Every 5 measily seconds/mile counts!)

So what's the consensus?

I might be too hard on myself sometimes. OK replace might with probably. And replace sometimes with most times. I have to remember that this wasn't a race. It was a training run. I didn't do a lot of running in June, mostly cross training. And throughout July, I fit in as much running as I could while I was on the road. A difficult feat, considering all of the time spent on an airplane and bopping from one time zone to the next. But my volume and intensity were definitely not where they were back in April and May.

So it is easy for me to feel a little discouraged with my running right now. I've barely been able to focus on it! How can I be happy with where I am when I'm not entirely sure I know where that even is?

Time to get out that map, I guess, and really start following the directions. Right after I admit that I did run pretty well yesterday. And right after I admit that I am pleased with that 8:36 pace. Right after I pat myself on the back, but only a couple of times.

There is still a lot of work to do!

Monday Morning:
Recovery Run ~ 3.25 EZ miles ~ Total Time: 29:49 ~Pace: 9:07/mile
Weigh Training ~ Back, Biceps, Core

Onward!

Sunday, July 30, 2006

The Half Way Point

All of a sudden, it was 5:17 a.m. And I was still lying in my bed! Staring at the alarm clock, wondering, "How the hell did that happen?"

I quickly threw on my gear and dashed out onto the street. I flagged a cab and made it to the start at 5:39 a.m. In time to hear them counting down the Wave 3 start. So I jumped in at the back of the pack, and I was off.

You know, I don't think I have felt good on a run since May. Seriously. My last runner's high was pre-Rock-N-Bonk-Marathon. Until today, that is. Even though I grinded out almost seven miles yesterday, this morning's very early 13.1 felt pretty good. Not the entire time, but there were moments. Moments when I remembered why I like to run. And that felt good.

I cruised through the first couple of miles. And then I soared up that hill between miles two and three. That hill that not even a year ago made me want to die. I glided down the hill and onto Marina Drive, where - get this - I actually saw the Golden Gate Bridge. Miraculously, even at 6:00 a.m., the fog remained perched high enough above the city ensuring a protective blanket from the sun while still enabling a stunning view of the area terrain.

With the cruise control set, I zoomed along through the first five miles. Dashing up yet another hill around Mile 5, I was able to position myself with a cruising altitude of 8:20-ish pace for the out and back over the Golden Gate Bridge.

It was kind of windy up there. And it was boring. So I slowed down a little on the bridge, as I remembered I technically wasn't supposed to be RACING this morning. Righ before the turn-around, I looked up and caught a glimpse of the city skyline. I puased as I enjoyed a few
seconds of complete happiness. This beautiful city, and this beautiful weather, and this great race... it's home.

And it was time to begin running back to it. I crossed Mile 7 and noticed that my watch read 59 minutes. "8:30s," I thought. "Cool. I should try to keep this up." So I continued to cruise back over the bridge. 2 more miles on the Golden Gate, followed by a rather difficult mile up Lincoln Avenue in the Presidio, before a long descent above Baker Beach to Mile 11.

This morning, I realized that the mile between markers 10 and 11 is my favorite mile of running in San Francisco. It was that beautiful. Really.

But all too quickly, the course rounded over to 26th Avenue. Where it upped and flattened and upped and flattened - repeatedly and painfully - for the next mile. But by now, I had made it to the front of the Wave 3 pack. Because each time we finished an up, I noticed that very few people were in front of me working on the next one.

I wasn't feeling particularly strong this morning. But the benefit of a Homefield Advantage can't be underestimated. I somehow managed to find a rhythm this morning. At times it was syncopated, and at others it was smooth. But it was enough to push me through every one of those last ups, such that I cruised into the 13.1 First Half Finish Line in Golden Gate Park near the DeYoung Museum somewhere around 1:52:00.

Hmm. Not bad... for a training run.

So I grabbed a banana. And a Cytomax. And a water. I stretched for a few minutes before I headed out of the park onto Fulton Avenue. I hailed a taxi and was home, showered, and back in bed by 8:16 a.m.

13 hours later, I'm still pretty tired. And although I'm pleased with the race/training run results, my reservations about a Boston Qualifying performance in Chicago have returned. Sometimes it just doesn't seem possible.

But it's too late to turn around. The goal of qualifying for Boston isn't an out and back course. I'm learning that it will likely keep getting harder and harder. But I'm halfway there... 13.1 miles down, 13.1 miles to go. It's too late to turn around. Time to see this thing through to the end.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Before Sunrise

The gun is going to sound VERY early tomorrow morning. In fact, it is going to sound at exactly 5:30 a.m. I'm not entirely sure why this race has to start this early. Actually, if I'm going to be completely frank about it, I'm rather irritated by this obscenely early start time.

This is San Francisco! And it's July! It certainly isn't HOT here. Nope. If it's cool and foggy at 12 noon, it's certainly still cool and foggy at 7:00 a.m. And 8:00 a.m. Hours at which normal races start.

Oh, but one of the highlights of the San Francisco Marathon (and Half Marathon, which I'm running) is that you can run across the Golden Gate Bridge. Well, what the hell does that matter when you're running across is at 6:30 a.m.? We might as well be running through The Tenderloin. We're not going to be able to see our feet through the dense fog, let alone the bridge.

Complaints aside, I'm excited to run tomorrow. Because I kind of need to get back into the swing of things. So much has been going on the past two months. And it doesn't look like it's going to slow down much, either. So although it will be painful to be running at 5:30 a.m., it will be nice to cross the finish line before 7:20 a.m. And it will be really nice to get back home (to my awesome new apartment!) by 7:45 a.m. To shower and crawl back into my big, cozy bed to pass out for another hour or two by 8:00 a.m.

Yes, it will be nice to take a few hours for myself and my running tomorrow morning. Even if those hours are all before sunrise.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Movin' On Up

The hardwood floor is new. And shiny. The living room walls are pale yellow. There is a large - OVERSIZED - couch against the wall and across from the fireplace. It is red and soft and I am sinking into it.

The stove is new. The oven clean. The microwave, of all things, capable of successfully microwaving food. And the countertops, which are made of granite, actually look clean when you wipe them down. Not that they need to be wiped. Like the cabinets, which don't even need to be lined, everything is NEW. And clean!

Oh, and did I mention there is a dishwasher? And a garbage disposal?

The closet is huge, too. No, not that closet, the other one. No, no, no... The OTHER other closet. Well, I guess they are ALL gigantic. Maybe I should rent one out?

Hell no! They're mine-mine-mine!

OK, except that one in my roommate's bedroom.

And speaking of bedrooms, I think my bedroom - which has a WALK IN CLOSET and its very own bathroom - is bigger than my entire first apartment in Washington, DC! Oh, it makes me happy. The sage green walls are soothing. The racks of wooden hangers energizing. The shelves and shelves of organization so, so satisfying.

I think I shall call my new apartment, HEAVEN.

Have no fear, sinners. HEAVEN is only a mere eight and a half blocks from the old place! (I think I will start to dub the old apartment Purgatory...)

And although I'm no longer at the top of the hill, and although The Gulch is not quite the East Side, I am certainly movin' on up!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Plug and Chug

EMI often reminds me that I have a "skill set." In fact, she frequently communicates to me how envious she is of The Skill Set. This framework of formuals that through the years, and for better or worse, I seem to have memorized. That I can call upon to get me through the day. Through a bug in the software. And over an obstacle in the design. A skill set to propel me from Washington, DC to San Francisco, CA armed only with gas money, McDonald's coupons, and a lot of maps.

Problem solving, in all its forms, is natural. I think that I was born with many of the tools with which I so frequently tinker. The others accumulated through solid investments of time, conversation, and money... But at twenty-six, they come together nicely. And most of the time, I need only to plug and chug to find whatever it is I need to find.

I imagine that The Skill Set is responsible for taking me from 3 miles in thirty minutes in 2002 to 26.2. miles in under four hours a couple years later. Right now, I sincerely hope that The Skill Set will take me through my next 26.2 in under 3:40:59.

However certainty, I have learned, is absurd. Especially in The Marathon.

But still, I have my formulas. And the list of what I can and can't control. So I'm throwing it all in there. The running and resting. The going hard and the going easy. Long and short and fast and slow. I'm completing the intervals. And I'm enjoying the cross train.

The plan is in place. Though it may not feel perfect, sometimes we have to go with it anyway. We have to plug and chug. And chug, and chug, and chug.

(Tuesday - 7.5 miles - Intervals - Crissy Field/Treadmill - 63:30 - 8:28/mile average pace)
(Wednesday - 3 miles - Recovery - Treadmill - 28:00 - 9:20/mile pace)
(Wednesday - SPIN - Cross Train - 1 hour)

Hopefully, I'm on the right track!

Monday, July 17, 2006

Seventh Day Slump

My knees are radiating heat. And I can feel my pulse in my big toe. My quadriceps, not quite sore, seem to request that I stay seated. I can hear my legs tell me, "We're tired."

My arms are heavy. There is a kink in my left shoulder and crackle in my right. I can barely raise my arms to brush my hair and adjust my ponytail. I am weak...

My eyelids are clumsy. They flip and flop as my head bibs and bobs. And though I flick the lids up in an attempt to stay awake, they droopily fall down, politely demanding we crawl into bed to rest. Soon...

I suppose it is only natural to feel this tired after getting back on track to complete my first full week of training.

However I am not encouraged.

(Rest Day - 4 miles - WALK - To and from work.)

Sunday, July 16, 2006

California Waiting

I can't tell you how happy I was to touch down at SFO last night. Nor can I tell you how happy I was to eat peanut butter out of the jar for dinner at midnight once I arrived in my apartment. I also can't tell you how happy I was to lie on my (roommate's) crappy couch and watch an episode of Entourage before climbing into my very own bed for 10 blissful hours of sleep.

I can't tell you how nice it was to sleep in a room with the window open. To feel the sixty-one degree San Francisco breeze flow through the screen, prompting me to curl up under my down comforter. How beautiful to sleep under a down comforter in the middle of JULY!

I can't tell you how fantastic it felt to lace up The Asics this morning and leave for a long run at 10:30 a.m. To breathe in and not choke on humidity. To sweat freely without it stinging The Eyes, since the droplets have time to evaporate here! And, OH, to run under that beautiful Golden Gate Bridge!

California, I am back. I am HOME. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting for so long...

Round-up:
  • Friday - 5 miles - Lake Shore Drive, but I might as well have been swimming in Lake Michigan, it was so freaking humid! - 47:30 before quitting - 9:30/mile pace - YES, it hurt. Badly.
  • Saturday - 4 miles - Treadmill, because I'm weak - 35:30 - 8:53/mile pace - Ah, Air Conditioning.
  • Sunday - 10 miles - Marina/Krissy Field/Fort Point - 1:32:30 - 9:15/mile pace - The LSD is back!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Wah Happen?

Not sure if anyone stopped by earlier today and noticed how EFFED up my blog looked...

I don't know what the hell happened!!!!!!!!!!!

But I hoped it would fix itself. And soon. And it did! HOO-RAY!

Computers are awesome.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Beating the Odds

The odds were against me.

I didn't get to bed until kind of late. Because I was looking at the wrong clock and didn't realize just how late it was... HERE. And then, come 5:45 a.m. when I was looking at the correct clock, I refused to believe it.

So I ignored it! That's why we have afternoons, right?

Except that come afternoon, I felt those odds again. It was really the first time I actually FELT the odds, too. After my presentation. When I walked DOWN the steps leading off of the stage and back into the audience. Yes, only THEN did I finally REALLY feel yesterday's Kick-off Run.

But still... Even though the odds were against me - well, probably BECAUSE the odds were against me - I went out for a run this afternoon. Despite the fact that I was not finished tweaking my next two presentations. And the fact that it was still raining a little bit. Despite the fact that the rain meant the humidity had reached 100%. And despite the fact that I 100% HATE humidity...

Yes, despite all odds, I ran 4 miles this afternoon. In St Petersburg, FL.

(4 miles RECOVERY - 35:48 - 8:58/mile pace.)

Now if only I could find a way to beat the heat!!!!

Monday, July 10, 2006

...and Screwed Up!

I just checked the training schedule and noticed that it says...

Monday 7/10
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile

Tuesday 7/11

7.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile


Good thing I can read. Because I wouldn't want to run Tuesday's workout on Monday or anything... Nor would I want to run my intervals at the wrong pace.

So today's Kick-off Run was Sputtery, Sticky, Successful, and SCREWED UP.

Whatever, dude. I'm lucky I even know what time it is now. Alarm clock says Eastern, computer says Pacific, watch for some reasons still says Mountain, and yet my body still feels like it's on Central.

Good night!

Sputtery, Sticky, Successful, and Sweet

I forget - why do people live in Florida? It's so freaking MUGGY here!

Seriously. It was suffocatingly hot and humid even before the sun rose this morning. Since I had to be at my meeting at 8:00 a.m., I had to wake up at 5:30 a.m. to complete my 2006 Chicago Marathon Training Kick-off Run. It was so muggy - and smelly - here in St. Petersburg at 6:16 a.m. this morning that after 3.25 miles I totally whimped out and took my run into the air-conditioned hotel gym. And that was after I had already taken two 30 second walk breaks...

Not so much the smooth start for which I was hoping...

Even the four miles that I ran INSIDE of the air-conditioned gym were sticky. My shorts kept riding up, exposing and chaffing The Chub Rub. Seriously, I think my Body Glide completely melted off this morning! And just LOOKING at the drops of air condense on the glass windows of the gym as I zipped along on the treadmill was enough to keep The Lungs in a heightened state of anxiety.

"Hurry up and finish this run inside," they cried. "Don't send us back out there!"

As for The Legs? Well, they cried a little bit, too. Those 3:45 half mile intervals were not as easy this morning as they were back in May. But I finished them. And now that it's over, I must say the Kick-off Run was pretty successful.

(7.25 miles of Intervals ~ 1 hour - 0 minutes - 48 seconds ~ 8:23/mile average pace...)

Sweet.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Let's Get It Started....HAH!

Last Monday morning, even after a weekend of fraternity-style revelry with my college guy friends, I laced up The Asics. And I headed out the door - with ESB - over to the path that follows Lake Shore Drive along Lake Michigan in Chicago.

I ran for about 6.5 miles.

And I had every intention to keep the streak going last week. But Fourth of July got in the way. And then it was a delayed flight back to San Francisco. And I couldn't get past the absolute necessity to spend some time hunting for a new apartment.

But now that it's Saturday, and I'm actually in my very own bedroom with nothing to do except some laundry and a few errands, I am happy to report that I'm ready to get it all started again.

So, even though I'll be on the road next week, in St. Petersburg, FL and my second home of Chicago, IL, the 3:40:59 or Bust Chicago Marathon 2006 Training Program SHALL COMMENCE!

The Plan for a 3:40:59 2006 Chicago Marathon

To run 3:40:59 at Chicago, I'll have to maintain 8:24/mile pace for 26.2 miles.

But Dad says... my natural marathon race pace is 8:00/mile. And since Dad knows everything - or at least *THINKS* he knows everything - I am going to build my training plan around 8:00/miles come October 22. If I get started and it hurts - too much - I'll scale back to 8:24/mile pace. If I finish the race at 8:00/mile pace, I'll buy Dad another nice bottle of a Single Malt he hasn't yet tried.

It's a win-win, right?

I mean, I did feel really good training for San Diego using an 8:24/mile race pace as my guide. And 8:00/mile felt so good at the race on June 4... Until that PowerAde issue, that is.

So here's to 3:40:59 or less... I can't believe how excited I am to get back on the saddle. Er... path... and belt.

Week Starting Sunday JUL 9, 2006



Day
Distance
Type
Pace
X-Train Option
Sunday
Rest

---
---
Yoga/Hike
Monday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Spin
Tuesday
7.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile
N/A
Wednesday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Weights/Yoga
Thursday
Rest

---
N/A
Spin
Friday
7.0 miles
Tempo
7:35/mile
Weights/Yoga
Saturday
10.0 miles
LSD
9:07/mile
N/A
TOTAL
32.0 miles















Week Starting Sunday JUL 16, 2006



Day
Distance


Pace
X-Train Option
Sunday
Rest

---
---
Yoga/Hike
Monday
7.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile
Spin
Tuesday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
N/A
Wednesday
8.0 miles
TPO
7:50/mile
Weights/Yoga
Thursday
Rest

---
---
Spin
Friday
6.0 miles
Pace
8:06/mile
Weights/Yoga
Saturday
14.0 miles
LSD
9:07/mile
N/A
TOTAL
39.0 miles















Week Starting Sunday JUL 22, 2006



Day
Distance


Pace
X-Train Option
Sunday
Rest

---
---
Yoga/Hike
Monday
7.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile
Spin
Tuesday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile

Wednesday
6.0 miles
TPO
7:30/mile
Weights/Yoga
Thursday
Rest

---
---
Spin
Friday
3.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Weights/Yoga
Saturday
16.0 miles
LSD
9:07/mile
N/A
TOTAL
36.0 miles















Week Starting Sunday JUL 30, 2006



Day
Distance


Pace
X-Train Option
Sunday
Rest

---
---
Yoga/Hike
Monday
4.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile
Spin
Tuesday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile

Wednesday
10.0 miles
TPO
7:30/mile
Weights/Yoga
Thursday
Rest

---
---
Spin
Friday
6.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile
Weights/Yoga
Saturday
18.0 miles
LSD
9:07/mile
N/A
TOTAL
42.0 miles















Week Starting Sunday AUG 6, 2006



Day
Distance


Pace
X-Train Option
Sunday
Rest

---
---
Yoga/Hike
Monday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Spin
Tuesday
8.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile

Wednesday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Weights/Yoga
Thursday
Rest

---
---
Spin
Friday
7.0 miles
TPO
7:30/mile
Weights/Yoga
Saturday
14.0 miles
LSD
9:07/mile
N/A
TOTAL
37.0 miles















Week Starting Sunday AUG 13, 2006



Day
Distance


Pace
X-Train Option
Sunday
Rest

---
---
Yoga/Hike
Monday
8.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile
Spin
Tuesday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile

Wednesday
10.0 miles
TPO
7:30/mile
Weights/Yoga
Thursday
Rest

---
---
Spin
Friday
6.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Weights/Yoga
Saturday
18.0 miles
LSD
9:07/mile
N/A
TOTAL
46.0 miles















Week Starting Sunday AUG 20, 2006



Day
Distance


Pace
X-Train Option
Sunday
Rest

---
---
Yoga/Hike
Monday
5.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Spin
Tuesday
8.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile

Wednesday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Weights/Yoga
Thursday
3.0

EZ
9:07/mile
Spin
Friday
Rest miles
---
---
Weights/Yoga
Saturday
16.0 miles
LSD
9:07/mile
N/A
TOTAL
36.0 miles















Week Starting Sunday AUG 27, 2006



Day
Distance


Pace
X-Train Option
Sunday
Rest

---
---
Yoga/Hike
Monday
6.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile
Spin
Tuesday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile

Wednesday
10.0 miles
TPO
7:30/mile
Weights/Yoga
Thursday
Rest

---
---
Spin
Friday
5.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Weights/Yoga
Saturday
20.0 miles
LSD
9:07/mile
N/A
TOTAL
45.0 miles















Week Starting Sunday SEP 3, 2006



Day
Distance


Pace
X-Train Option
Sunday
Rest

---
---
Yoga/Hike
Monday
5.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Spin
Tuesday
8.0 miles
TPO
7:30/mile

Wednesday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Weights/Yoga
Thursday
Rest

---
---
Spin
Friday
7.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile
Weights/Yoga
Saturday
17.0 miles
LSD
9:07/mile
N/A
TOTAL
41.0 miles















Week Starting Sunday SEP 10, 2006



Day
Distance


Pace
X-Train Option
Sunday
Rest

---
---
Yoga/Hike
Monday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Spin
Tuesday
8.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile

Wednesday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Weights/Yoga
Thursday
Rest

---
---
Spin
Friday
8.0 miles
TPO
7:30/mile
Weights/Yoga
Saturday
21.0 miles
LSD
9:07/mile
N/A
TOTAL
45.0 miles















Week Starting Sunday SEP 17, 2006



Day
Distance


Pace
X-Train Option
Sunday
Rest

---
---
Yoga/Hike
Monday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Spin
Tuesday
8.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile

Wednesday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Weights/Yoga
Thursday
Rest

---
---
Spin
Friday
11.0 miles
TPO
7:30/mile
Weights/Yoga
Saturday
16.0 miles
LSD
9:07/mile
N/A
TOTAL
43.0 miles















Week Starting Sunday SEP 24, 2006



Day
Distance


Pace
X-Train Option
Sunday
Rest

---
---
Yoga/Hike
Monday
8.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile
Spin
Tuesday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile

Wednesday
10.0 miles
TPO
7:30/mile
Weights/Yoga
Thursday
Rest



N/A
Spin
Friday
6.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Weights/Yoga
Saturday
22.0 miles
LSD
9:07/mile
N/A
TOTAL
50.0 miles















Week Starting Sunday OCT 1, 2006



Day
Distance


Pace
X-Train Option
Sunday
Rest

---
---
Yoga/Hike
Monday
5.0 miles


9:07/mile
N/A
Tuesday
3.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Yoga
Wednesday
9.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile
N/A
Thursday
Rest

---
---
Spin
Friday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Yoga
Saturday
14.0 miles
LSD
9:07/mile
N/A
TOTAL
35.0 miles















Week Starting Sunday OCT 8, 2006



Day
Distance


Pace
X-Train Option
Sunday
Rest

---
---
Yoga/Hike
Monday
3.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Spin
Tuesday
9.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile
N/A
Wednesday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Yoga
Thursday
Rest

---
---
Spin
Friday
3.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Yoga
Saturday
10.0 miles
LSD
9:07/mile
N/A
TOTAL
29.0 miles















Week Starting Sunday OCT 15, 2006



Day
Distance


Pace
X-Train Option
Sunday
Rest

---
---
Yoga
Monday
6.0 miles
IVL
7:20/mile
N/A
Tuesday
2.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Yoga
Wednesday
Rest

---
---
N/A
Thursday
4.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Walk
Friday
Rest

---
---
N/A
Saturday
2.0 miles
EZ
9:07/mile
Walk
TOTAL
14.0 miles















Sunday
October 22
26.2 miles in 3:40:59 or LESS!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

I Float Like a Cannonball

I have to admit - out of everyone I was going to see this past week, I was the most excited to see him.

The anticipation has been building for some time now, really. Since that bus ride that night in October. After he left for his trip and I realized it was time for me to really start my life here in San Francisco. I was always so happy to hear from him when he was away. And when he got back, he told me how much he appreciated it. Which doesn't sound like much, but for him...

And while I didn't expect anything to happen this past week, I am not surprised that nothing didn't happen.

"There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth..."

Not that it will go anywhere. He's different and it's wonderful. I'm different and I wouldn't have it any other way. There will always be that connection. But behind it, all that baggage. All those pieces of us that though great, don't quite fit together. Without pinching. Even though I really, really, love him. It will never work and by now, I am past wanting it to do so.

"Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt..."

But I feel lucky to have had this week. On top of that weekend. And in front of this relationship. This dysfnunctional friendship-meets-affair somewhere in the middle. Where no matter what it's too much and not enough at the same time. When too little too late intersects with perfect timing because it's always better later than never.

"Still a little hard to say what's going on..."

Starting with our sort of awkward everyone's around us hug hello on Friday. And ending with our should we kiss each other good-bye embrace this morning as we boarded separate trains to separate airports, it was always really, really, good to see him. Because it wasn't always awkward... Even though it didn't always make a whole lot of sense.

"And it's not hard to fall When you float like a cannonball..."

"Cannonball" by Damien Rice. From the album, O.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Boys to Men

Tall. Dark. Handsome. And blonde, yes one of them is blonde. Still handsome, though. And smart. They're all so smart! And interesting, and funny, and caring. Each one planted a big kiss on my cheek - or lips - when we said hello. HELLO! Engulfing me in a long, strong, embrace.

Dressed up in their suits, at a rehearsal dinner in Dubuque, Iowa, they looked good. We have known each other for eight years now. And somewhere between now and the last time we were all together - months and months and months ago - the fact that our friendships are this old is somewhat believable. Because in looking at them now, they do... They look older.

But not one of them has changed.

MJC still steals the spotlight with his stories. And KJS still practices that good-looking scowl in between sips of Scotch that he guzzles like water. NW still quiet and sweet, an interesting conversationalist who can always make me laugh. LR always the manic dreamer with his crazy ideas that make everyone shake their heads. ESB the constant flirt, his grin and raised brow a clear indication that trouble is on the way. And while BAC has settled down, happily, JBB is as antsy as ever, still able to make my heart overflow with love. (But that is the topic of another post...)

No, they haven't really changed. At all. Except for CCE - the groom - and the reason for our congregation this weekend. As MJC said in his toast, CCE was always a "work in progress." The brunt of many jokes over his choice in shoes (white high tops), jeans (acid wash tapered leg), and belt (long and braided), he was always easy on the eyes. And I will probably never forget the first time we met, at the Newcomb Hall dining room. His warm smile and sparkling eyes haven't changed a bit.

But he is no longer thinking someone is out to get him. Or looking for a fight. No longer always in a state of disarray. With Her by his side he stands taller. He is composed. He appears stronger, yet softer.

And if you could have seen him beam as he walked his mother down the aisle, and then waited at the alter - you would have cried, too. No longer the hot guy I met at UVA. That hot guy with whom I shared a few weeks of dance floor kisses and date function dinners. That hot guy who was so understanding when I told him I was getting back together with my boyfriend. Who said he still just wanted to be a part of my life. CCE was - IS - that great guy who meant what he said. He's the guy who wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it. That great guy who made me realize I wanted him to be a part of my life, too. And therefore turned into one of my best friends.

CCE is that guy who eight years later - after laughter and tears and late nights and early mornings and good drunks and bad drunks and heartbreaks and new loves - invites you to his wedding. And because you can't imagine not being there, you go. Despite terrible travel schedules and a destination "at the edge of the world" in Iowa.

You go, and you sit at the dinner. With him and these boys. Who are your closest friends and whom you miss so much. And you cry a little when the slide show plays. And you cry a little during the toasts. You cry when CCE says I do. Because eight years ago, none of you thought about this day. When you would start to REALLY grow up and get married.

But in the back of your mind, you knew this day would come. And you knew that you would share this day with these people. These boys who helped you finish those problem sets. Who proofread your thesis. Who helped you study and shared with you their old tests. Who drove you to the airport to visit your long distance boyfriend. And who let you wipe snot on their shoulder when the boyfriend and you fell apart. Who gave you high fives when other boyfriends came along. Who drank you under the table, and then held your hair when you puked. Who protected you like their little sister.

Four years after graduation, I know that nothing has ended. I can still feel that bond - that bond that so clearly shines through that slideshow picture of everyone at O'Neil's that night in September 2001. Back when we didn't know where we were headed, only with whom we were headed out there. Even if only in spirit, because friendships like these defy physicality. No, the good times aren't over. They're just on the ends of longer weeks and months, now.

Through four years of college and the four years since college ended, my female friendships have strengthened and waned. New bonds have formed in new cities and at new jobs. Some have strengthened through exciting journeys, while others have weakened as the To Do List grew. I love every one of my girlfriends. But my relationships with them are not the same as my relationships with my guy friends. The loyalty I have found in the boys I met in my dorm, in First Year Engineering classes, and at the dining hall is unparalleled. And the love I have developed for them stretches from Charlottesville, through DC and Chicago and Boston and now out to San Francisco despite all logic saying it wouldn't. It is ephemeral.

These boys turned hot guys turned best friends turned big brothers turned other women's husbands turned honest, admirable, good men.

I love them so much it hurts.