80 Degrees and Sunny

...

Been staring at this draft for a while, now. Not quite sure where to begin. For starters, I'm in San Francisco. NOT Chicago. The meeting I was supposed to have in Chicago next week - the meeting to deliver my most recent project at work to the client - was cancelled. On Thursday afternoon. And with it, my flight to Chicago on Saturday morning to run in the Chicago Marathon.

Since Thursday afternoon I have been angry, and sad. Frustrated and stressed. Irritated with my project. My client. My job. And, if I'm being honest, my life. Because it always seems to work this way. Up and down and up again and down again. Hurry up and wait. Get it done yesterday turned, eh, it's not really needed anymore. I am overwhelmed and exhausted and tired. I am so tired. I really have never been this tired in my entire life. And I need... well, I don't know what I need. Or want, at this point. Other than to figure it out. I need and want to make some changes.

But admist the fluster and aggravation and disappointment, I am relieved, too. RELIEVED!

Because I'm not prepared. I'm not prepared to run this marathon. On such little sleep and so few long runs. Through rain and 40 degree temperatures. I'm not ready to attack the physical challenge of the marathon. Furthermore, and more importantly, I'm really not ready to attack the mental challenge. For so many reasons...

So I didn't buy my own ticket to Chicago. And I am not running this race tomorrow. I'm not going to push myself through something else that's been on my list of things to do just to cross it off. I'm not going to run myself down any more than I already am. I'm not going to just, "make it work."

It is 80 degrees and sunny today in San Francisco. I am going to take a long walk to the bridge, and I am going to read my book, and I am going to clear my head.

Let Me Work It

It's not quite "3:40:59." That was a killer list. This one borrows from "3:40:59" here in there, but I'm trying a new approach, this time. I'm hoping it at least gets me there in 3:54:00. WORST case. 3:50:00 would be better.

At any rate, finishing - it is worth it. So now it's time work it...

Name	Artist
Marching Bands of Manhattan	Death Cab For Cutie
Utilitarian	Spoon
Mother We Just Can't Get Enough	The New Radicals
Bang a Gong (Get It On)	T. Rex
Outsiders	Franz Ferdinand
Small Stakes	Spoon
Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me And My Monkey	The Beatles
Kissing The Lipless	The Shins
Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)	Arcade Fire
Bury Me	Guster
Little Ghost	The White Stripes
Gravel	Ani DiFranco
Piper	Phish
Paint It, Black	The Rolling Stones
Steady, As She Goes	The Raconteurs
Let the Cool Goddess Rust Away	Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Nausea	Beck
Scrap Metal	Bitch And Animal
Barely Legal	The Strokes
The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song…	The Flaming Lips
Jonathon Fisk	Spoon
Look Good In Leather	Cody Chesnutt
All These Things That I've Done	The Killers
Novacane	Beck
Crazy	Gnarls Barkley
Come Again	Saigon
Beware of the Boys	Panjabi MC
8 Miles and Runnin'	Freeway & Jay-Z
SOS	Rihanna
Notorious Thugs	Notorious B.I.G.
Sexyback	Justin Timberlake
California Love	2Pac, Dr. Dre & Roger Troutman
Dirt Off Your Shoulder	Jay-Z
My Humps	Black Eyed Peas
Bring the Pain	Method Man
How Do You Want It	Tupac Shakur
What You Waiting For?	Gwen Stefani
Lucifer	Jay-Z
Gone Daddy Gone	Gnarls Barkley
Party Up (Up in Here)	DMX
Just Lose It	Eminem
Nasty Girl	Nitty
In da Club	50 Cent
Triumph	Wu-Tang Clan & Cappadonna
Fire (Yes, Yes Y'all)	Joe Budden & Busta Rhymes
Hotel	Cassidy & R. Kelly
Method Man (Skunk Mix)	Wu-Tang Clan
Work It	Missy Elliott
Stop Being Greedy	DMX
Lose Yourself	Eminem
P.I.M.P.	50 Cent
Feel So Good	Mase
Good Girls, Bad Guys	DMX & Dyme
My Love	Justin Timberlake
30 Gallon Tank	Spoon
8 Mile	Eminem

8 Miles and Runnin'

I have just launched the largest software system I have ever built. And I am 100% exhasuted by the last six weeks of my life.

Not that I'm 100% recovered from the twelve weeks of business travel I endured from June through August. Every now and then, I still wonder if my watch is programmed for the correct timezone.

I am somewhat cranky. And sleep deprived. Stressed, and anxious. I am tired...

But I can't rest yet!

Because my flight for Chicago departs from SFO on Saturday morning at 6:00 a.m. And I'll be flying First Class (Oh, business travel does have its rewards!) headed for an arrival at ORD by 12:00 Noon. And then it's off to 2301 South Martin Luther King Drive.

I've got a Race Packet to pick-up!!!!

So this Sunday, October 22, find me in Chicago, IL. In the Preferred II Start Corral.

It's Chicago Marathon time, Baby. I'm not making any promises, as I have not put in the level of endurance training I put in prior to Rock N Roll back in June. (Really? A 20 miler?) But I have churned out a few 16 milers. And quite regularly - for whatever reason - I have complete brick cycle/run workouts. So it shouldn't be too much of a surprise that my new average 8 Mile pace is sub 8:00.

Throw in the fact that my friends from DC and UVA (LGA, EMI, ESB, and CCE) are all going to be in the crowds to cheer me on and that I know - really, I KNOW - to never, ever, drink PowerAde. Again. And, shit, the fact that I'm running with Walchka, and I realize I'm pretty effing excited to run this race. And it's about effing time!

I feel a playlist coming on...

Stifled

Everyday, it weighs on me. Because I really want to do it. I want to have the time. I want to have something to say. I want it to flow and be good. I want to finish and review and redo and finish again. And again.

And I want it to feel good. I want to enstill pride. With a touch of fear. Of what people'd think. I'd want the feedback... As long as I wanted to want it, though. Yeah, that's what I guess I really want.

But I can't seem to find the words let alone write them down.

It doesn't choke. But it does kind of stifle, a bit. However it isn't angering. Actually, it just makes me feel incredibly tired. Too tired to find the patience to do a whole lot about it.

It'll come back...

How Stella Got her Groove Back

I just found this link.

And for the first time in a long time, the thought of running the Chicago Marathon is actually making me smile.

I'm bouncing my knee.
I'm nervously grinning.
I'm enjoying the feeling of my heart beating in my throat.

I'm cracking my knuckles.
I'm stretching my hip flexors.
I'm confidently tightening my pony tail.

I'm donning my tights.
I'm lacing my Asics.
And I'm getting off of the couch...

NOW.