Who Spins When She Spins

She grew up in front of a mirror. She danced solos and lead large groups. She won trophies and the respect of her peers - teammates and competitors. She even danced professionally, albeit at a theme park. Her teacher couldn't understand why she wanted to go to college, expecting her to dance on Broadway or MTV.

Maybe if it were JUST about dancing, she wouldn't have walked away from it all. Because all too often, it was about line ups. All too often she endured hearing, "5 of you are too fat." Weekly, as she came into the studio straight from soccer practice, she was told not to run too much. It was making her legs thick. And there were the injuries. Pinched nerves and pain in the hips. Hours and hours and hours each week for a few minutes on stage. It lost its appeal. It wasn't fun anymore.

And so she walked away. She went to college. And although she did end up dancing there, it wasn't the same. It was much more relaxed. (Which was good, obviously.)

There was no dancing in DC. Four years have passed since her final curtain call. But she can't bring herself to throw away the leotards. And when presented with a desserted hallway or open kitchen floor, she still finds herself tapping or twirling. The songs still give her goosebumps. She can still perform her first routine, which she danced over twenty years ago, now. When she hears music, she sees the movements that should accompany it.

So she summoned all of her courage. She put on the leotard and tights. She stood in the back of the room. Her body doesn't move as easily as it did during her 17 years of consistent, dedicated study. She is dizzy after a series of chaînés. She can't hold her arabesque. She trips over her own feet while she performs pas de bourrée across the floor. Her short term memory fails her over and over again. Eight count after eight count goes in through her eyes and out through her feet. The steps are drowned by the music. Most of the time, she is lost.

There was little grace. And there was barely any confidence. But the wonder was still there. And on that rare occassion when a pirouette was completed perfectly, there was a smile on her face. There was a happiness surging from her fingers to her toes.

...we are spinning and spinning and spinning and...

Determined, after completing the class, to come back next week. To come back out of her shell.