I had friends in college who could not bear to sit alone at the dining hall. Moreover, they couldn't bear to know that on occasion, I myself would sit there alone. Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. Late dinner. They would always ask, "Why?" Or, "How?"
The answer was always quite simple, really: I was hungry. No one else was.
For the most part, these friends still can't comprehend the general comfort I have achieved with my solidarity. I think it is often because these are my friends who argue with boyfriends over what to buy while grocery shopping - Healthy Choice Frozen Pizza? Or Meat Lovers Digiorno? Wine? Or beer?
The answer, again, to me always seems quite simple: Buy both.
Maybe it's because my parents, still together after all of these years, maintain separate bank accounts. And pay for their own vacations that they take without the other. And prepare their dinners differently. The salad bowl on the dinner table at their house always has another little bowl of cucumbers next to it, because Mom likes cucumbers and Dad doesn't. They have maintained separate interests throughout their entire relationship.
Come to think of it, one reads my blog (guess who?) and the other doesn't...
Of course, I do often wonder how their relationship has made it this far. And I often wish they had more in common. But to be honest, I'm pretty damn proud of my mother for refusing to pretend she likes golf.
Because I am reaching an age when I am finding so many of my female friends conforming to the likes and interests of their boyfriends and husbands. At times it seems that many of them have forgotten to maintain a sense of self within their relationship.
I know I am not the best at listening to them work through the quibbles of their relationships. Perhaps that's because I don't understand why they don't just buy what they want to buy at the grocery store. Or go see the movie that they want to see on Saturday afternoon. Or take a trip to visit their friend without their boyfriend in tow...
It has been a long time since I had to ask Him what He was doing for dinner. For the weekend. For New Year's Eve. Perhaps I'm just insensitive.
But it does follow rather naturally that I am spending my first time in Europe, without a travel companion. Exploring by myself. Snapping photos by myself. Eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner, by myself. I am sitting at a cafe on the other side of the world with no one to tell how entirely exciting and simultaneously depressing it is to be in Madrid. Alone. Because right now, it would really be nice to share this bottle of wine with someone special.
But if I have to drink it by myself, I will. Salud!
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
My life so far can be broken down into five distinct phases: 1) Childhood, 2) Adolescence, 3) College, 4) Washington DC, and now, San Francisco... PHASE FIVE.
Posts
11 comments:
Woah, your parents are amazing.
I love being alone.
Was reading book (What Should I do with my life), the author was explaining that if you really want to know yourself, not the person you pretend to sell to others, travel alone.
After this season, I definitely have to do that.
I hate when people make concessions about what to do/what to eat based on another person. I am ridiculously lucky in my hubby because we were best friends for almost 2 years before we started dating....we just tend to like the same thing which is fun. But I do see some of my friends and I'm like, "really?....ok"
great post.
I have lots of friends who have morphed into a "couple" they are no longer a single entity.
Europe is a wonderful place, but you are right sometimes you just want to share that bottle of wine with someone special.
Go order a bottle of wine, and ask someone to join you!
Nic you rock! “buy both” it’s so simple and easy, but I guess you might have to draw the line when you get to the high value items. I mean who really needs to fight over what type of bread to buy. hehe
It’s a little sad when you see your friends turn into conjoined twins when they get married or are in serious relationships. It’s like one day these two people suddenly formed this human blob thing.
Enjoy the wine!
you know the great thing about europe though, is its so easy to make a friend.
unfortunatley you don't smoke... chmm... but uh.. the easiest and fastest way to make friends over there, i found, was to bum a smoke, or get a light, ask to join a table (mostly everyone speaks english, and if you're not an annoying american.. and you're not... they're pretty friendly!) and be open to the people around you.
but i'm with you on the siempre sola part. none of my friends would ever even CONSIDER doing something like even going to a movie alone... i do it all the time. i'm just more okay with myself it seems, at times, than they are.
that being said, sharing your european travels with someone makes for a different experience than traveling alone. just get out there and be yourself, i'm sure you'll meet some interesting characters soon enough!
Great post Nic.
Kahil Gibran says in one of his books "let there be space in your togetherness" or something like that...It sums up your post beautifully.
It is difficult to maintain your own identity when you get married, and even more difficult once children enter the picture. Because you are so independent already, you will be an amazing wife someday.
Salud!
I don't conform either. And after I took up blogging, but he - the writer - didn't have a blog, he wondered what was going on. He teased me for a while saying, "what are you going to blog about tonight? The meatloaf?" And so I did. I took it as a challenge and wrote about the meatloaf. The my 7 year old wanted a blog. And Now my husband has a blog too. But I still do my blogging alone.
Enjoy your wine. Salud!
Enjoy Spain and what a great relationship.
And your parents sounds awesome - they have obviously learned the value of compromise. Tom always has friday night guys night and since most of my friends live in another state I go out by myself.
IMHO, you're mature beyond your years. There's a lot of people who are still playing the pretend game late in life. Kudos to you.
Hey Nic,
Quite the traveler lately (hope the project is going well)- glad you're not sweating the alone time- it's good for ya!
Congrats on the new digs too!
i'm right there with you. i do most of my travel solo and those international trips are exciting and lonely. but there's some sort of comfort, like a familiar, warm blanket, of that solitary feeling. i really enjoy exploring those places and getting through the travel hurdles by myself. there's a certain sense of accomplishment and independance to it.
here's hoping you experience life while you're there. soak in every emotion...even the loneliness...because they let you know you're alive.
Post a Comment