I can no longer tell you how many nights I have spent in a hotel by myself. Because it's a lot. With travel for work being what it is, and driving cross country by myself, I am the queen of the King Bed Good Night Sleeep.
But tonight, I wouldn't mind sharing a double with a good buddy. I am feeling pretty lonely.
And fat. I am feeling SO effing FAT. I had a brownie on Wednesday night at O'Hare whilst I waited for hours and hours and hours for my plane to take off. I know, it was just ONE brownie. But why do my little running shorts feel SO god damn LITTLE?!
I have also been a total dumb ass, today. Turns out, it was my flight BACK to San Francisco that was rescheduled to one hour earlier not my flight DOWN to San Diego. So I woke up at 5:00 a.m. for nothing. And I thought I forgot Wilson Jr. (My Nano) at home while riding to the airport and nearly had a heart attack before finding him deep in the OTHER pocket. And then I thought I forgot my wallet while checking-in for my flight and nearly had a stroke before finding her in the OTHER other pocket. And if those near-hospitalizations weren't enough, I also dropped my cell phone getting on the plane without realizing it. Yep, nearly threw myself out the window after that one.
But I am here now, in San Diego. And I am SO ridiculously nervous. My heart has been pounding in my throat pretty much all day. And I cannot sit still. I keep hearing myself take these deep cleansing breaths, too. What the hell is wrong with me?
I hope it is just that I am so tired. I still haven't caught up on sleep from the 22 hour day on Wednesday. So I am going to bed soon. And I am hoping to wake up with a better attitude... It's just really hard to believe in yourself when you are a total mess.
I did get in a three miler tonight. In 25:37. Which is about goal pace. And it felt OK, I guess.
"It Depends It Depends And It Comes Back Again.
Yes Things That Everybody Would Say.
Believing is Hard.
Believing is Art."
"Believing is Art," by Spoon. From the album, Girls Can Tell.
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9 comments:
Nerves. Wear them like armor and you'll have the fastest marathon of all time. You're going to do awesome!
Hope today is better than yesterday.
it's those damn tiny shorts... they have the power to make you feel small, compact, and powerful one day, and big as a horse the next.
I know you've heard it before, but trust your training. you put in the work. now it's time to reap the rewards. you're going to be awesome tomorrow. just relax and enjoy it.
good luck, I'll be cheering you on from the midwest...
Good Luck on Sunday. It's good to get all of your nervousness out now.
GOOD LUCK!
you'll kick ass regardless, just because you've accomplished yet another of your goals.
and i'll be cheering from the east coast!
Waiting at O'Hare does suck but chill and take a pill. You're gonna do great!
Have a wonderful marathon you'll do GREAT!! what a beautiful city you are in and in great company!
Have a great race - I'm sure you will completely rock with your playlist in hand
No more negative thoughts.there is only one goal tomorrw..kick butt..
besides all these crap and you are still here...most ppl will explode by now ;)
Good luck. You will do fine and you will have fun.
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