The Importance of Reading Material

I am still in Denver tonight. Because I have to work all day tomorrow. Which is a SATURDAY. I just got back from a dinner shmooz fest, and was reminded of my favorite business travel story of all time. And I thought I'd document it so that I never forget it...

I once got stuck in my hotel bathroom. I was staying at The Doubletree in Philadelphia after launching a system for one of my clients. At the time, I had been living alone in a studio apartment in Washington, DC. I regularly peed with the bathroom door open in that apartment. Who needs privacy when you live alone?

Now, I just shared my bathroom habits of the time with you for a reason. It had been a long day. I had been working 80 hour weeks for quite a few months back then. I was miserable and scatter-brained. Especially after coming off a deployment, travel, and virtually no sleep. So when I arrived back at my hotel that night, having to pee, I darted to the bathroom, dropped trou - or hiked skirt, dropped stockings - and shut the door.

I don't quite know what posessed me to close the door. It was very uncharacteristic of me, having lived by myself and peed thousands of times with the door wide open for the past two years. And by close the door, I mean push it shut all the way. With force, because it didn't shut that easily. But I did. I securely shut that door, I peed, and expelled a long, loud, sigh of content. The project was over, and I was going to be great again.

Until I tried to open the bathroom door. The damn thing wouldn't budge. I pulled. I pulled harder. I pulled as hard as I could. Nothing. I took a break. I pulled. I positioned my legs for leverage, and pulled. Really effing hard. Again, nothing.

I started to panic.

And then I started to bang on the wall. "HEEEEEELLLLLLP!"

No one responds to calls for help.

"HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP - I'm stuck in my BAAAAAAAATHROOOOOOOM!"

I laughed. Have you ever screamed, "Help I'm stuck in my bathroom!" at the top of your lungs? I dare you to try it. It's virtually impossible to do without laughing.

Luckily, after yelling that off and on for about ten minutes, my "neighbor" next door heard me. I guess there is no way in hell she only heard me for the first time after ten minutes. She claimed to have been sleeping, but it was only 7PM. My guess is that she finally heard me AND decided to do something about it. Minor point. Help was on the way. Speaking through the wall, she told me that she was calling hotel security, and that someone was going to come and rescue me.

Thank goodness. I really was starting to get a little frustrated. 10 minutes in a small bathroom without reading material? You can imagine what MY mind does while trapped in a small bathroom in that type of situation, right?

So security arrived, only to find that of course, I had chain locked the door to my room. And they couldn't get in. They had to go track down Maintenance to break into my room. That took another ten minutes, but at least my mind had quieted. Finally, after breaking down the room door, they were able to break down the bathroom door. (Break down/push it really hard...) I was saved.

I was only feeling good for a short while, before I realized the Security Gurad was looking at me like I was the dumbest person alive for getting stuck in a hotel bathroom. So I suggested he take a look at the door. And he got stuck in there, too. So after I got HIM out, we had the Maintenance guy come up and sand the door down.

The story could have been a lot more exciting, I guess. Because, no, I wasn't naked in there. And to be honest, I couldn't stop laughing once security had arrived - kind of a nervous giddiness - and I totally forgot to request/demand getting the room for free that night. However, I did not escape from The Doubletree Philadelphia without learning a couple of very important lessons...

1) THAT'S why they put phones in hotel bathrooms, and
2) Always bring reading material.