Inquisition

OK, I admit it.

I've not only been thinking about you - forever by now - but I've been wondering if you think about me. For a while, now, I guess. Yes, I've been wondering.

Maybe when you go out for a run. Do you think about me then? Or when you listen to certain bands. Strangely enough, I wonder if you can listen to The White Stripes without smiling. Or laughing. And thinking about me.

Do you still wear those sunglasses we bought while walking through the open market? And do you think about me when you put them on?

I wonder what you think about when you wait for your lunch at the sandwich shop. Do you ever catch yourself staring at that table in the corner? The one that we sat at for almost four hours that day. I will never forget that sandwich. That table. That conversation. Will you? Shit, I hope that sandwich shop survived the storm.

Do you still wear that Texas shirt? I can't think of a time when you looked more adorable.
I wonder if you kept that book I gave you. And I wonder if you stayed up late at night reading it over and over again. Because it's an awesome book. And/or because it was from me. I wonder what you say when someone asks you where you got it. Because people surely ask. It's such an awesome book... Do you say that your "friend" gave it to you? Or "some girl"? A girl from DC... A girl you used to date. Sort of. Or do you tell them that I gave it to you? Do you refer to me by name? I know that they know who I am. So I wonder, what do you say?

Do you ever re-read our emails? Do you have any of our text messages saved? I didn't want to get a new phone because of those text messages.

I think about you every time I hear that song. And I think about the last time I saw you when I hear it. The last time we were together. When you said that you hadn't been that happy with someone else... ever. That song is exactly us. Except that I don't want you pounded out of my head. I don't think I could bare to not have you in it.

I just can't believe you called last week. Well, I can, but I can't. I've been really glad, though. Glad that you called. I think that since then I have been allowing myself to wonder more about you. And I am remembering what it is like to actually miss someone. Not just a body, but an entire person. To miss the good and the bad. The easy and the difficult. I miss you.

But then yesterday... If only you could have seen me smile when I saw your name on the screen.